drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
