I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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