You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize