well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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