what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
