4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
