Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
