He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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