the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Found the puke drawer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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