he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
