you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
