just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
