Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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