Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am available for nakedness
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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