The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
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