Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
