Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
