When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
