I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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