I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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