im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
