Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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