need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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