And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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