.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
