community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
