you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
