I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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