i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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