i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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