just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
