I accidentally had phone sex last night
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
