Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
