he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
