Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
