You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
