just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
