when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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