the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
