I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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