textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
