i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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