i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Green mimosas i think yes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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