Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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