I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
