I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
