I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
