I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
