Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
