sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
